So, we are in the final countdown. (Duh-nuh nuuuuuuh nuh Duh nuh nuh nuh nuuuuuuuuuh - that's Europe's "Final Countdown"...obviuosly.) We're under ten weeks until...when the baby may or may not arrive. I mean, who knows really...it could be a week after that. I've been talking to the baby, though, informing her she can't really be too late...otherwise we have to have the baby in the hospital. Who wants that?
She has these insanely active periods. In fact, I remember reading some stray phrase in a pregnancy book about being concerned when the baby is making "frantic" movements as it can be a sign of distress. Well, I, of course, think of that at 2 in the morning when it feels like she's having a seizure in my stomach. It's pretty wild. Or, like she's an overzealous drummer really banging out a major drum solo. I assume these aren't "frantic" just normal as they subside eventually to more subdued movements. What the hell does that mean anyway? Frantic movements. That's really hard to assess through layers of amniotic fluid, placenta, abdominal muscle and flesh! What am I supposed to do with that information anyway?
There certainly is something to knowing too much. I was randomly reading the list of "benefits" of having an elective c-section (wtf??). Anyway, the book includes a list of traumas related to the actual birth events. During the day, I was loudly decrying this list of benefits and scoffing at it. But, at 2 in the morning I was thinking, "Jesus, what if something happens to the baby during labor! What if she ends up with cerebral palsy! What is something horrible happens just because of birth!!!!"
Middle of the night freak outs aside, there is still no way I would ELECT to have...well, any surgery. I mean, that phrase itself is sort of horrifying. "Elective surgery." Like, "recreational surgery." Sign me up! Just to be fair, it's one thing if, for health reasons, you need to schedule a c-section. That's totally different - and better than risking it with your health issue and then having to have an emergency c-section. I respect that decision. It's just, that's a tiny fraction of the c-sections out there. I just don't get doing it to...I don't know...save your vagine (vah-zheeen) from stretching...or I don't know, whatever other reason people have. It can't really be avoidance of pain because recovery from a c-section SUCKS and is supposedly more painful than recovering from vaginal delivery.
But, my compassionate side (sometimes only the size of the Grinch's heart apparently) says, "okay, people may be really anxious about birth...and thinking it's more convenient to schedule things, etc." I still think it's unrealistic and not the best option, but I know that we are all on different paths...
The baby seems to have a wily little sense of humor. Whenever she's moving and I try to get someone else to feel it, she stops. Immediately. Really - without fail. She could be having a drum solo episode and - when Kiyomi comes scurrying over to feel it - she stops. Devilish.
I'm very excited to meet her...and feel both that the time is going S L O W L Y and disturbingly fast. (I think it depends if we're in the middle of a 2 AM anxiety moment.) Yesterday, one of our friends said that having a baby is amazing and wonderful...but that it doesn't, as people claim, change your life, it pretty much ends your life as you knew it, leaving something ENTIRELY different in it's wake. This really echoes what a number of folks have said, which seems scary. But, it's so alien that I don't even feel fear or apprehension...just...curiosity. It's so bizarre to face something like that - something so immense and unknowable.
Well, it will certainly be an adventure.
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