Here's My Wormhole

I just watched Donnie Darko...I haven't seen it in several years. God, it's sad. And, I really don't like Drew Barrymore. Maybe it's because I teach literature...but she is NOT a believable English teacher.

Speaking of teaching...tangentially...I've taken to running into the corners of my classroom to gag in private. It's pretty gross. I mean, I gag ALL the time. Is this normal? I've actually barfed only twice. Once last week (hmmmm, stinky kitty kibble that fell in the water dish. God, I'm glad I don't have to eat kitty kibble) in addition to the first time I puked. I don't even dry heave much...just gagging...like every 15 minutes or so. I guess I sound sort of amusing - sort of cat barf cough sounds, I guess. Kiyomi started making the "gollum gollum" gagging/hack/cough from Lord of the Rings. She thinks it's pretty funny, but it also makes me gag more.

She's also taken to calling the little being dwelling in my uterus, "Cletus" - as in "Cletus the fetus." It's catchy. So, now we talk about little "Cletus." I think of that character...is it from The Simpsons? Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel. What a horrible name. And yet...so funny.

Speaking of names - again, only tangentially - I am feeling entirely overwhelmed by the task of naming Cletus. I mean, I don't really feel any pressure to think about this now...we're 1/4 of the way there...only. So, I've got time. However, it's just really unappealing... Ugh. I don't want this job, which is weird. I always thought picking out a name would be pretty rad. Now, I just feel...nothing. Like, I'm supposed to feel this big connection to some name...like it's supposed to capture something...at the very least, my interest. And I just feel meh...about it all.

I sort of feel that in general about this experience. Well, not exactly meh...I mean, it just feels so unreal. I feel like I could be more emotional...excited, etc. I just feel very calm. It's just so unreal, unbelievable. I don't feel afraid - or like something is going to go wrong. I just feel...like it's impossible to really GET what is happening. That's okay for now.

It is only the 10th week. My uterus is apparently the size of an orange...but still "tucked away" in my pelvis. Cletus is not quite 2 inches long. Supposedly my queasiness may start decreasing next week. Or not. Who knows?

In other news, I totally ate a tuna fish sandwich...after like 5 years of self-righteously denying it because of the mercury, etc. It was the only thing that sounded at all appetizing one afternoon. My strongly held convictions are no match for Cletus.

AND, less interesting, perhaps, I watched and actually enjoyed the movie TWILIGHT. God, how did that happen? I had a student who begged me to read the books a few year ago - I couldn't even actually read all of them. I skimmed large portions of the books out at the time. I mean, I was interested enough to want to know what happened...just not interested enough to actually read the quite horrific prose.

So, imagine my astonishment when last week, on a lark, I picked up the movie and found it to be superior to the book. How often does that happen? Well, that's sad for the book...but the movie was totally a guilty, RIDICULOUS pleasure for me. Whereas the books were like...wanting something to be a guilty pleasure but then just...a feeling of guilty disgustedness? I don't know if I've ever really believed that a movie IMPROVED a book, but this did...it cut out so much flat-footed, self-indulgent exposition. Weird. It's nice to get lost in the silly love story of a ridiculously handsome vampire...I can't even complete that sentence. It's too...you know. But that vampire is really fucking hot.

Also, Kiyomi is wrapping up the last of her trips this week. I am relieved...I know it makes me sound like a big baby, but I really can't even imagine feeding myself right now. I mean, it's interesting under normal circumstances...but when I'm nauseated...it's downright absurd.

Let's pray for less gagging.

And no cold or flu. Blah.

And, while we're at it, a perfectly healthy tiny little baby.